Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am mentally ready for anal.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
