he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
