Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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