How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
