I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
