Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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