Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
