I could have mohawked her pubes.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
