just survived the first fart of the relationship.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
