just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
