is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
