Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
