May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
