There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
