Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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