I don't usually arrange sex via text message
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
