I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
