Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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