If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize