I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
