Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
