No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
