My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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