hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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