Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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