I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
