did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
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My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.