My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.