id be glad to
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.