Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (277) Good night (4429) Bad night (68874)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching. http://tfl.nu/cq5g
  Replies (43) Good night (1167) Bad night (5133)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  I respect that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice (1-508): I respect that http://tfl.nu/enis
  Replies (53) Good night (9785) Bad night (1023)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before. http://tfl.nu/yrqt
  Replies (82) Good night (9373) Bad night (1235)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up? http://tfl.nu/ciml
  Replies (25) Good night (1056) Bad night (3244)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors http://tfl.nu/t3jz
  Replies (11) Good night (5184) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning. http://tfl.nu/8lph
  Replies (6) Good night (1707) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.

  (415): View more from California

  Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit. (415): Use your nursing skills for good, not evil. http://tfl.nu/0k9b
  Replies (10) Good night (3624) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth http://tfl.nu/4hkn
  Replies (16) Good night (691) Bad night (3363)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire http://tfl.nu/du1v
  Replies (5) Good night (1318) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex. http://tfl.nu/1bgl
  Replies (8) Good night (1774) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible. http://tfl.nu/yk56
  Replies (3) Good night (543) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee. http://tfl.nu/5wrf
  Replies (3) Good night (791) Bad night (220)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book. http://tfl.nu/62om
  Replies (2) Good night (894) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to

  (425): View more from Washington

  She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to (425): She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem http://tfl.nu/6c1h
  Replies (0) Good night (592) Bad night (229)

Randomize