dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
