i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
sex in a hospital.. check
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
