i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
