I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
