I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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