Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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