1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
