I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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