____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I died a long time ago.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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