What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
