the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
