that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
