Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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