the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
