those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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