I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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