i think my mom watched the whole time
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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