i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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