mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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