He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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