dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
