note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
