Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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