I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You need a sexual gate keeper
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
