drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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