dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you win again, gameday.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
