you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
