If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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