So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
