Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
