I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize