Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
