YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do vagina's smell?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
