I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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