So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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