What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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