You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
