something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
