Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
ttyl tear gas
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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