we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's never too late to be topless.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
