Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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