Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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