I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
