well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
