please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
