Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
