Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
