sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
