You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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