would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
