This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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