I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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