My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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