I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
