Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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