If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
