So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
